After swearing off relationships for what seems like the millionth time, an observation struck me. There are basically two approaches to the relationship conundrum: settling and chasing. There are those who are content settling down, even if the person they choose is not the love of their life. Then there are those who are more interested in the chase and jump from person to person never seeming to find their match. Is falling into one of these groups natural, or can we transcend both to achieve true happiness?
Those who settle subscribe to the belief that you can learn to love anyone. Probably the more noble philosophy of the two. However, the question remains– is it true? Can you learn to love anyone? There are many different types of love out there and perhaps it is true we can learn to love others. However, I’m not sure I believe you can achieve the emotional depth needed with someone unless you have that rare connection.
Which is what those obsessed with the chase seem to focus solely on. This seems great at first, but it is a formula doomed to fail. Sure the initial connection you have with someone is always the most vivid and exciting. However, at some point that feeling will wear off. In some cases sooner than others. While settlers who are lucky enough to find that connection are able to adapt when it cools down, the chasers most often will lose interest and move on. While I don’t necessarily agree with this strategy, I can understand it. Overcoming the initial excitement to achieve something deeper is always far more difficult than taking the easy way out.
If it hasn’t become apparent by now, I don’t think its as simple as splitting people into these two groups. In fact, the hopeless romantic in me hopes its possible to meet the person that will make the chase no longer worth it and settling seem like anything but. One would hope this was possible, or at the very least the settlers were right, because jumping from one person to the next, while potentially exciting at first, is doomed over the long term. In any case, we will do what we feel is best for the moment we are in. Which is probably the best strategy, no matter what your type.
Take a break from chasing the future to settle for the moment…